The past couple days I've been feeling extremely discouraged over our battle with infertility. Without going into great detail, I will just say that for the past couple weeks, my hopes have been way up. There was evidence that the metformin was working, and other encouraging things had happened. My mind set was that if we didn't get pregnant this month, there was still hope for next month because my body had started to do what it was supposed to.
Not so much. The metformin either isn't doing what it's supposed to or just isn't doing it the way I expected to. And with no private adoption opportunities currently on our horizons, I've just gotten into that I'm-sick-and-tired-of-waiting-and-I-don't-know-if-I-can-handle-this-anymore slump.
Then I went to VBS today. Not at my home church, but at the church affiliated with the school where I work. Today's theme fore the day was "No matter how you feel, trust God." The Bible story was about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. I guess I never thought about Mary and Martha waiting from the view point of someone who is waiting. They waited past the point of hope. They had no hope left. And yet, God answered there prayer in a way other than what they expected.
The lyrics to the song we sang today also caught my attention.
My mind is spinning.
I'm all confused.
I'm feeling sad and afraid
and kind of angry too.
How can I be strong when everything is going wrong.
God give me strength and help me to find my way.
I've gotta think, think, think,
Think about the goodness of you,
Because I know, know, know
No matter how I feel
I gotta trust in you.
I wanna trust in you.
Never underestimate God's ability to speak to you through any situation.
Putting this knowledge into practice is a whole 'nother ball game though.