Today I'm feeling...
Tired. The past couple of days have been super stressful between financial drama regarding the IVF and the snow causing me to be late for doctor's appointments, and battling a severe headache today. Is it spring yet?
Relieved. All of the financial issues were worked out thanks to an amazing husband who jumped to the rescue to the point of leaving work early and driving two and a half hours to pick me up and work things out at the bank, and thanks to God's perfect timing with our income tax return.
Thankful. For my Lord's perfect timing. Between all of the money falling into place at literally the eleventh hour and some other little things that He's done, I'm feeling so thankful. I mean, even, in a weird way, the fact that my sister has been sick and home from work for a few weeks now has been a blessing. Having someone here with me when Steve is stuck at work because of the snow has made this stressful time (and dark winter) bearable. I'm not glad that she's sick, but the timing has been a blessing to me and I'm so thankful for her and how she's helped me. (Pray for her if you think of it. Although she's not really in any real danger, the time until full recovery is indefinite right now.)
Excited. It's all really starting to feel real now. I will most likely be pregnant soon (I'm not going to share the exact timing, partly because I don't know it yet, and partly because I want to be able to keep it to ourselves for at least a day or so after we find out, haha).
Hopefully Expectant. I feel like I have turned a corner with hope and am feeling more expectant than intrepid right now. I feel like I had to take a faith jump this week to prove that. It's a silly thing, but I have to order my bridesmaid dress for my sister-in-law's wedding which is in July. The dress is being discontinued, so I have to order it before I find out that I'm definitely pregnant, but I'm still going to order as if I will be pregnant. Actually, per the David's Bridal consultant suggestion, I will order three sizes bigger instead of the normally suggested two sizes because as she put it, "you're more likely to have twins, so I would go up three sizes." Apparently she is moderately familiar with IVF, haha.
Puffy. I started the FSH stimulating meds this week and my ovaries started to feel puffy and bloated very quickly, like after the second day of these. Because of my PCOS, I'm at risk for hyperstimulation, so this concerned me, but I went in for my bloodwork today to check my estradiol level and the doctor decided to cut the rest of my Follistim doses in half just to be safe. This makes me feel better and safer. Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome is not super common (I think like 5% of women get it or something), but another blogger I follow, who also has PCOS, just went through it, and I'd like to avoid it at all costs.
Because of the puffiness in my abdomen, I've been leaning toward looser clothing like yoga pants, and stretchy skirts and dresses. Unfortunately I can't wear yoga pants to work and have a limited number of dresses and skirts that I can wear (especially with boots which I'm leaning toward because I'm still having to park at the end of my very long driveway and walk down through the snow every morning), so I'm finding myself making a wish list of dresses like this one from Like Twice or this one from Target.
Sore. I'm not a huge fan of the Follistim pen and the menopur injections. They sting for a while afterward even after I ice the injection spot. Keeping busy and distracted after giving them helps. So does putting ice on them afterward, but I'm still not loving it. Giving myself the lupron injections made me feel empowered. These new ones are not my friends though. I did read some tips on handling these from this blog and this one.
Surrounded. By the prayers and encouragement of so many people. It makes me really glad that I'm being open about this process. Although I'm sure others think I'm nuts because I'm being so open, it has made me feel loved and helps to know that so many people are praying. My coworkers and bosses have been particularly amazing and accommodating. My family has also been absolutely amazing.
Well Taken Care Of. I'm so happy with our choice of doctors. We decided to go with Sher Fertility Institue of New Jersey and everyone from the receptionists, to the nurses, to the office manager, and Dr. Peters have all been incredibly helpful and understanding and kind and just generally wonderful. I think it's such a big deal, and unfortunately not common in many doctor's offices, to have kind and helpful office staff. I'm so thankful for it.
Ready. For spring mainly. I'm ready to not spend an hour plus trying to get my car out of the driveway on the morning of an appointment and work (like this morning). I'm ready to be able to say yes to people who want to come view our still-for-sale house instead of no because of the driveway being a mess (the plow we hired never showed and now it's kind of even too messy for a plow). I'm ready for green and buds and warmer weather (the forty degree days we've had this week have been INCREDIBLE) and all the hope that comes with it.
Overall, I'm keeping scripture like the one above (a verse my mom had me memorize when I was plagued by nightmares as a child) are keeping me focused. I'm so very thankful for this opportunity and so very hopeful that it will end (or rather begin) in parenthood for us.
Thanks for your prayers!