I Don't Even Know What to Title This Post

I've started this post multiple times over the past couple weeks, but haven't been able to finish it. I've also avoided answering comments, and I'm not sure why.

Today though, this post is kind of writing itself.

This morning was a rough morning. I woke up early and despite wanting to go back to sleep, had to get up and go to the bathroom. I also woke up with a bad headache. The house was cold because, despite the fact that it was snowing when we went to bed last night, my husband turned off the heat. I turned it back on, after going to the bathroom, and curled up under a blanket on the couch.

A few short minutes later, I was up and running back to the bathroom to throw up. Feeling shaky after all of that retching on a near empty stomach, I lay on the floor while the dog came over to check on me. As he was snuggling and sniffing me, I noticed a big tick on his neck. I grabbed some tweezers and pulled it off, trying not to throw up, again.

I started to put my pants on, the only pair I have that I can currently button, and noticed that they had dust or something on them. I tried to shake them out, but put them on anyway because, well, because they are my only dress pants that fit and my skirts were in the wash.

I finished my morning routine and headed to work. About ten minutes into my drive, my stomach started to roll again, and I prayed, "Oh, please, Lord, no," while grabbing a plastic bag. I ended up having to pull over and spend a few minutes throwing up again.

My first reaction is to complain. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not feeling like myself. I'm tired of feeling nauseous almost all day, every day. And then I remember why I feel this way. I'm throwing up because I am eight weeks and three days pregnant. I'm tired because I am eight weeks and three days pregnant. My pants don't fit because I am eight weeks and three days pregnant. I AM PREGNANT! And them by heart fills with thankfulness for what the Lord has done for us. Don't get my wrong, I'm still praying for some relief, but I wouldn't give this up for anything.

It hasn't really sunk in to me yet that after five and a half years Steve and I are finally going to have a baby. Maybe that's why the complaining comes easily, because I keep forgetting why. I think maybe it's because for so long I've hoped to be pregnant and imagined symptoms like this that it almost seems like I'm imagining it now.

This morning really was a rough morning. I don't throw up every morning, although it's happening more frequently now that I've hit eight weeks, but I do feel nauseous pretty much all day long, particularly when I'm hungry. I'm extremely tired and unfocused. I pee a lot. I've also been making bathroom trips more often for other reasons (I'm thankful I'm not constipated though). All of this has been going on basically since right before we found out for sure that I'm pregnant, though it has all become more pronounced as time goes on.

I'll make another update soon and tell you about what it was like to receive the phone call after my first beta and what our first ultrasound was like, I just didn't want to make you wait any longer. I'll close with this video...you have to turn the sound up all the way to hear it, but it's a video of the baby's heartbeat. The weird sound in the middle is the sound of Steve's phone zooming in, but after that sound you can hear the heartbeat, then the doctor saying, "awesome." I think I make a squeaky noise somewhere in the middle too because I was in awe. There's only one baby, which I'm surprisingly okay with, although Steve was really hoping for twins. I reminded him that we have four more embryos and we can try for twins next time. I'll write more about that another time too.