March 01, 2011

The Desires of my Heart.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost three years. Well, I have been trying to get pregnant for that long. I say that with a smile, because when we first started, I was all for getting pregnant, and Steve was all for making me happy.

At first I think I just liked the idea of a baby, the idea of being pregnant. Since then it's become more than that. I have a constant and overwhelming desire to have a baby, moreover, to make a baby with my husband. I want to be pregnant and know that God has allowed me the miracle of growing a child that he knit together within my womb. And I want everything that comes with it. I can't wait to change diapers and give baths and help with homework, the whole nine yards. I want to be a mom.

And I want to see my husband be a daddy. I want to see him cradle a tiny baby in his strong hands. I want to see him talk to my belly (Is it weird that even before I started dating him one of my first thoughts was that he would be adorable with a pregnant wife someday?). I want to see him teach our children things and read Bible stories to them. I watch him with our new nephew or our godson and my heart aches with the fear that I will never see him do that with our own. I want to see him be a daddy.

This blog is all about my journey moving my heart past those fears and putting them in God's hands.

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