- I recently joined an infertility support group on Facebook that I found through the blog Sawdust and Embryos (you can read about it here). The group was just started, and everyone has been sharing their battle story. One woman's story struck me so hard. She dealt with years of infertility, finally got pregnant, and went into labor at 38 weeks. But she knew something was wrong, and she and her husband rushed to the hospital only to find out that the baby had no heart beat. An emergency c-section was preformed, but her baby girl had already died about 3-5 hours before she arrived at the hospital. Other women have been sharing their discouragement about multiple IVF attempts failing or working, but ending in miscarriage. Now, I'm not sharing this to be a Debbie-downer, but it really hit me. The whole time we couldn't get pregnant, I thought, "Why us? Why has God chosen us to go through this? Why us?" And now, after reading some of the stories in this group, I'm left thinking, "Why us? Why, Lord, did you choose to give us a baby, and not all of these other couples who want it so badly." Obviously, He knows the answer, and I may never, but it reminds me to continue to be grateful, not that I needed to much reminding, but I'm surprised at how easy it is becoming to take this gift for granted already.
- On a related note, Cai hasn't even been born yet, and I'm already starting to get nervous about doing a frozen embryo transfer for subsequent babies. It will be hard not just assume it will work since we got pregnant on our first attempt. I know it's silly to worry about it now, (don't get me wrong; I'm not freaking out or anything), but it has crossed my mind. We have four frozen babies left, and it's a strange thought to think we could end up being a family of seven total, or end up having an only child. I'm sure we'll learn to be content either way, but it's a strange thought.
- In general, it's a strange feeling to feel so far beyond all of the pain of infertility, yet still so connected to it. It had become a part of my identity, which isn't really a good thing, and it's strange to feel so far past it. At the same time, I know it's not over, but even if we can't ever get pregnant again, it will be different than it ever was before because we'll have Cai.
- Over the years, every time I heard someone complaining about the third trimester of their pregnancy, I always kind of felt like they must be exaggerating. Especially the complaints about not being able to sleep well. I'm learning very quickly that they are not. I don't sleep well between peeing constantly, having to wake up to roll over, a husband who starts snoring every time I wake up, and my mind running a mile a minute when I try to fall back to sleep. And I'm huge. Seriously, people need to stop telling me that I look like I'm ready to go any minute because that's going to make it really difficult if I go late! I'm also dealing with what I think is Pelvic Girdle Pain which has something to do with the joint in the center of your pelvis getting a little too loose because of the relaxin your body is producing. It makes my legs feel like they're going to kind of wobble off sometimes. It causes pretty significant pain when I roll over, walk up stairs, and walk in general. I've read that wearing my pregnancy support belt can help a little bit.
I've also changed the way I sit and how I get in and out of the car or roll over. And I've been doing more pelvic floor exercises because that's supposed to help too. I need to talk to the doctor about it though because it can affect delivery and the position they want you to push in.
- I bought a birthing ball, aka an exercise ball. I've been sitting on it as much as I can instead of sitting on the couch. It's supposed to help in multiple ways including helping with the PGP pain, giving Cai room to turn (he's transverse right now), and help baby engage once he is in the right position. It helps with back pain too. I'm really enjoying using it. The hospital where I deliver will also provide one when I deliver to help with delivery. Here are some of the sources I've used as reference for how to use the ball:
- I found this tutorial on how to make reusable cloth wipes from flannel sheets. I plan to use cloth wipes at home since we're going to try to use cloth diapers. It seems to make sense since it would be annoying to throw wipes away in on pail and cloth diapers for washing in a separate pail. It makes sense to throw them all in the same spot. On the same note, my aunt and uncle bought me this diaper pail that I registered for which is supposed to be great and can work for cloth or disposable diapers and doesn't require and special bags.
- Heartburn is ridiculous. Last night I was actually afraid it would burn a hole in my esophagus. And I'm still throwing up some days. I actually threw up in my driveway this week because I didn't think I could make it to the bathroom.
- I really want to buy this for Cai because I love flannel and babies in flannel= stinking adorable.
- I'm perpetually hungry. Like ALL. THE. TIME. It's a little annoying.
- I'm loving my husband's new schedule. I actually get to see him for significant amounts of time. Today, for example, he stopped after work to pick up some things, grab dinner for us, and get his hair cut, and he's still home an hour before he would have been at Walmart. I love it.
- My stretch marks are ridiculously ridiculous. There is no describing how gross they look. I keep telling myself, "oh well."
- As I mentioned earlier, Cai is transverse right now. He was head down at my thirty week ultrasound, so the doctor hasn't really said anything, but it makes me a little nervous. It also means that at any given moment his little but or his little head is trying to bust out of my tummy creating a huge lump and some pain. It's awesome seeing my whole belly move when he does, but boy can it be uncomfortable. Last night I switched from the bed to the couch and when I laid down, the side of my belly wasn't quite touching the couch. Cai kicked really hard and I swear it felt like he was trying to stand on the couch. I'm convinced he's an abnormally strong baby.
- My college roommate got married last weekend in England (where her husband is from) and is having an American ceremony in Eerie this weekend. I'm so excited for her, but I'm really sad because we won't be able to make it. Steve has to work the day of the wedding, and we decided it probably wasn't smart for me to drive up there by myself at this point (especially because we are without insurance until the first of the month because of the job change). On a brighter note, because we couldn't make it, Steve's brother and his family are visiting this weekend. Steve will have to work for some of the time that they're here, but not so much that they won't be able to spend time with him. I'm looking forward to seeing them.
I think that's it for the rambling right now. Thanks for reading!
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